Save You
by Baby Velociraptor
Summary: Amu has Panic Disorder from excessive bullying in childhood and an event that traumatized her. Ikuto caused her first panic attack. He won't leave her alone until he can fix the damage he caused. Except she won't even be herself anymore with anyone. "What are you so afraid of?" "I'm afraid to get hurt." "Living in fear is better?" "It's safer."
1. Chapter 1

_**Welcome to Save You. Okay, it's a bit like Reflections and totally different. I did my best. Feel free to leave advice and criticism. Amu x Ikuto. Okay. I did research panic disorders, so it's not just facts I came up with. Review if you like it please. Amu has her own sense of humor, even it it's mostly in her head. **_

_**I don't own Shugo Chara!**_

* * *

_Panic disorders strike without reason. Symptoms include difficulty breathing, chest pain, pounding heart, intense feelings of dread, sensation of choking, or smothering, dizziness, feeling faint, trembling, shaking, sweating, nausea, numbness in fingers and toes, chills, hot flashes, fear you are losing control, or may die. _

Midori felt tears slide down her face. She looked at her daughter who was watching TV silently. Her food was beside her on the floor, untouched. Her daughter no longer had an appetite; she didn't talk as much and she was always stuck in her mind. Amu is thirteen years old. Today was the first day home from the hospital.

It had been two months since Midori quit her job to stay with Amu, so nothing bad could ever happen again. In those two months, her daughter had her birthday, but that day she never came down from her room. She stared ahead with a blank stare, passing her parents every day.

Midori turned back to the computer screen.

_Agoraphobia is the fear of being where an attack can occur, or where escape is difficult, or highly embarrassing. This can cause the person to avoid public places and crowds. He / She may not even leave their home. One-third of the people with Panic Disorder will develop this fear. _

It sounded too much like her daughter and it terrified her. At least what was happening to her daughter had a name, and there were treatments. If only Amu would accept the help. She was not on medication. The doctor had told them he didn't believe it would be wise to give her medications, like anti-depressants, or anti-anxiety medications. Not when she was this young. It was like an endless string of counselors, but she didn't want to talk about anything and she was adamant about not talking to anyone.

The anxiety was terrible though. Her husband took Amu shopping last week at the mall, something she used to love. She begged to leave almost instantly. Her daughter wouldn't tell her why, but she knew Amu was avoiding specific people. A mall was a perfect place for them to appear.

They were preparing to move to six hours away. A job was open for her husband and they wanted nothing more to move Amu away from this place.

_Without treatment, Panic Disorder has serious consequences. The person will avoid anything that scares them. An anxiety attack can happen just because they're worried when the next attack will happen. Claustrophobia. These consequences can feel like they're destroying your life. _

Her mother swallowed and put her head down on her arms while she cried. This was all she did every day, searching for ways to understand and help her daughter. What were they going to do if Amu wouldn't cooperate?

* * *

_Four years later. Tokyo, Japan. _

Being the new kid can go one of two ways. Either the popular kids are going to take you under their wind, or the less popular kids befriended you. That's been my experience. It's always the latter. I'm more likely to tear someone's head off before lunch here.

Let me explain. I spent my elementary and middle school years here. It was time to be a senior, and the worst thing happened. We had to come back. My brother lives here in his own apartment. Some of the kids here were alright, or my friends even. The majority of them jumped on the bandwagon of bullying me.

My hands turned white as I gripped the steering wheel. In elementary school it's petty stuff. It hurt though since I was a little kid. It was stuff like being picked last for teams, laughing at my hair, or clothes, or just hearing them talk about me. I didn't know what I did to them. I always tried to be nice, and I'm gullible, which makes it worse.

That hasn't changed at all.

One boy though locked me in a closet. It was fourth grade, and all I did was cry. I didn't know how to take up for myself. I know how to now, but I'm too scared to. I usually say the wrong things, which spark an argument I can't handle. Locking me in a closet was meant to be a joke. That stupid teacher bought it.

I hate enclosed spaces because of that.

It got worse in middle school. I took an interest in the opposite sex and its downhill from there. Gullible should be my middle name because I'd fall for anything. I'm smarter now, but in middle school I was desperate for friends. I chose to believe what they said, believing that if I went along with it, they'd be nice.

Wrong.

It's an easy task to manipulate my emotions. Hell, I let them do it in hopes they'd stop treating me like shit. It didn't work. If it did work, I wouldn't be so screwed up now.

Girls like me could avoid so much hurt, if they'd just stop believing anything they hear.

I'm clumsy, tripping over flat surfaces, dropping my books. That kind of clumsy. I get embarrassed easily too. On top of that, bad luck follows me around. My mom used to say I wouldn't have any luck if I didn't have bad luck.

Eighth grade was my last year in Tokyo, and that year my journal "fell" out of my backpack. Bullshit. Saaya probably dug through my bag just to find something.

Tadase was his name and he was my crush. I thought the stars appeared for him and all of that. Well, I learned that is not true and he is definitely an asshole. He made fun of me. I cringe when it's brought up I like my tormentor. Tadase would be nice to me for a bit just to get my hopes up. The next day he was laughing at me.

Saaya reading my journal out loud at lunch is a memory that's burned in my brain. So is the look on her face when I shoved her off that stupid table. I remember being livid before I ran out crying.

My parents didn't know. My brother didn't live with us then. Kukai lived with our grandparents for a long time. It isn't because he hated us; he just didn't want to go to Osaka. I convinced out parents to let him be.

The worst part, the part that made us move, haunts me still. I don't like to think about it. It traumatized me and I've been in and out of counseling offices, doctor's offices and the like ever since. I know it hurt my parents and siblings. It's the worst part. I know that I made the wrong choice by telling the police I didn't want those kids to get in trouble. I was afraid of them, even if I was in a hospital bed. I was twelve when it happened.

People I meet wonder what happened to make me so crazy, having anxiety attacks so suddenly and all the time. I'm not ready to say it out loud.

* * *

"Introduce yourself." She motioned towards the class. There's a familiar face. Saaya. I cringed inside. This already looked terrible. Kukai sat beside a blonde girl who was smiling at me. It's Utau.

"My name is Amu Hinamori." My voice should have been louder. It was weak and timid. At least I wouldn't stand out if I stayed to myself. "Kukai is my brother." My hand motioned to him without my permission. "I moved here from Osaka."

It's better to leave out the part that I went here before.

"Take a seat behind Ikuto." A boy with familiar blue hair raised his hand. My teacher is a sweet lady with a nice smile, but I really want to glare at her right now.

She sat me right behind the boy who locked me in a closet and caused my first panic attack. Bad luck follows me for sure. With my eyes cast downward, I moved down the aisle, trying to not hit anyone with my bag. It slides down my arm as I take my seat.

It was uncomfortable here. My stomach twisted into knots and my eyes caught Saaya staring at me. I watched discreetly until recognition befalls her. _Well, isn't that dandy? Queen bitch knows who I am before second period. _

In my head, I'm witty, sarcastic and I usually have good comebacks. Then I actually think about saying something like that and fear wells up inside me. In a situation with Saaya, if that happened, she would keep droning on while panic clawed its way through my body.

I'd really like it if I didn't have a panic attack on the first day.

Our teacher, Mrs. Ichinose I think, passed out worksheets and left us to our work. "Amu, have you read this?" She showed me a book. It's a classic. I nod, earning a smile. "Alright, I was worried you'd get behind. Can you handle these then?" I took a look at the worksheets. It's simple stuff really.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She walked down the aisle, smacking a ruler down on my brother's desk. He jumps and stares at her in fear.

"Kukai, I'd appreciate it if you stop flirting with Ms. Tsukiyomi." He turned red.

Half the hour passed without me noticing. That's until a pale hand nudged my arm and I looked up to find Ikuto staring at me. "Do you need something?" it came out harsher than I intended. He kept staring and it was a little creepy.

"You look really familiar. Have we met?" Saaya's eyes were burning holes into me.

"You could say that." I said, scribbling another answer down.

"Okay.." He trailed off. "Could I borrow a pen?"

"Sure," I bit my tongue so as not to say something rude. He's just asking for a pen, Amu, don't rip his throat out. I handed it to him.

"Did you go here before?" I nodded slowly. He'd know if I'm lying. Lying is not my specialty. "When?"

"Until eighth grade. My name is Amu." He looked at me blankly. He wasn't very bright, was he? "I'll give you a hint. You locked me in a closet." Regret filled me as soon as I said that. "We didn't talk. You just talked about me."

Memories finally dawned on him. He looked at me horrified. His eyes are wide with shock. "That was you?" No, I'm just saying it for kicks. If I repeated a third of the things I think, I'd have to schedule people appointments to kick my ass. I nodded again. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, okay." I scoffed.

"Yeah, I wouldn't believe me either." A pencil hit me in the head. I turned to see Saaya smirking. One of these days, I'll kick the shit out of her before my head convinces me otherwise.

"Stop acting nice to me, okay. Bullies don't just feel sorry. So if you're really sorry, just let me be." I looked down.

My original plan was to act shy and timid. If I did that, I'd get walked on all over again. My temper is worse than it was as a twelve year old. There wasn't a chance in hell I could be nice to someone who did that to me.

Another pencil hit me. It's not that it hurt me. It's that it annoyed the hell out of me. The pencil in my hand snapped.

"She's not going to stop." He told me.

"Yeah, I caught that." Sarcasm filled my tone. Bantering is easy. Standing up for myself is not.

"I could tell her to stop?" It was phrased as a question. I shook my head. "Why don't you?" I shrug my shoulders under his gaze. "She'll be like last time if you don't."

"Let her. I'm a big girl. So leave me alone and I'll be fine."

* * *

He didn't leave me alone. He didn't stalk me around the school either. Every time he saw me he waved at me, or said hi, Amu! I cringed as I stood with Kukai and his girlfriend in the lunch line. She snickered at my expression. "You don't like him?" My brother asked.

"He locked me in the closet." I picked up my tray.

"I'm gonna-" He started.

"You're gonna go sit down at that empty table, eat and get yourself in trouble." His girlfriend spoke with force.

A smile came across my face. "I like you," I told her, causing her face to light up. "She's a keeper."

"So, if you don't mind me asking, who are the people who bullied you?" Utau asked. "I'm sorry!" She said when I put my head down. "You don't have to answer."

"No, it's okay. I guess it wouldn't be fair for you to be left out of the loop. Saaya was the leader of the pack. Tadase and Ikuto, too. The rest of them were just followers really."

"Did Ikuto really bully you?" Utau asked.

"He locked me in the closet and it was his idea. He caused my first panic attack, but besides that he was just following his friends. Why?"

"Ikuto is my brother." She left me speechless. Utau smiled though. "I talked to him about a girl that went here and left because of bullying. He told me he did feel bad for what he did."

"Ikuto doesn't know what happened that day either." Kukai told me. "He has no idea. Utau told me she wouldn't tell him."

"How does he not know?"

"Like you, he moved away for a year. Our mom was in Paris. I stayed with her, so we never met. He moved away right before the other things happened. We moved back after a year and it wasn't mentioned."

"Amu, I'm not sure if even Saaya knows. You told the police you didn't want to get them in trouble. That was stupid. Dad told me they had an assembly about bullying, but it didn't get in the news."

"I'm tired of calling it 'it', or 'that', or 'what happened'. I tried to kill myself. Let's just say what it is." An uncomfortable feeling settled over me. I hate to say it like that. It's what it is though, despite how awkward.

"I don't judge you for that." Utau said. "I don't want you to think that I care about things you did. I just met you, but you should know that you can talk to me. I can keep a secret. You should know something else too though. You'll never get rid of Ikuto now. I think he might actually want to help."

"I don't believe that and I don't trust him."

"I won't ask you too."

* * *

"How did it go for Amu today?" Ami asked, taking a bite of pasta. Amu was already asleep upstairs. Naps are a past time for her. "Also, Dad isn't home. He's gone to some seminar."

"Of course he has." The oldest grumbled. "She had an okay day. Utau is Ikuto's sister. As you know she is my girlfriend. Ikuto is the kid that locked Amu in a closet." Ami chuckled.

"That's her luck. So there really are such things as evil twins." She chewed her food after taking another bite. Later, she's waking her sister and making her eat dinner. She can eat like a man, but doesn't eat much anymore.

"Actually, he won't leave her alone now that he knows who she is." Ami's eyes widened. "Utau's convinced he wants to help and make up for what he did. But Amu is not having that. She grumbled about him all day."

"You know, if she was really freaked out about seeing him though, she'd have had a panic attack. So I guess she isn't capable of holding the grudge."

"Don't be so sure. She said she'd decapitate Saaya if she threw one more pencil at her."

Ami snickered. "It's like they never left elementary."

"I'm worried about her." Kukai said, settling into what they really wanted to talk about. "Eventually, those kids will find out about her trying to kill herself and they're going to use it against her." She sighed, pushing her plate away. "She acted cool and strong today, but we know she's just hiding."

"She can't help it. Amu puts up walls and from what I know from you and Dad, Amu has acted like that since she was twelve. I can't remember very well. I was eight."

"She was starting to be happier again. We all saw it. Dad let up some too."

"Mom was smiling again too." She said bitterly. "I miss her."

"I know." He enveloped her in a tight hug. "We all do. Are you okay? You don't talk about your feelings much."

"Yeah."

The two sisters are the same. Amu is acting strong while Ami is being strong for her. They hold each other up.

* * *

**So... If you read Reflections, this is kind of like it with the emotions and all. So, I hope you really liked it. **

**-Kelsey. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I was really surprised that I got 16 reviews on the first chapter. Okay, it won't always be Amu's point of view. It changes so you can see how she looks from the outside. You'll know when it changes. If I write so and so's point of view here, it looks bad. Also, I did research this stuff. It's not random stuff. **

**I don't own Shugo Chara.**

* * *

"Oops," Saaya said, and brought her hand down on my books. They fall to the floor with a clatter, attracted attention as papers disperse. My fists clench and unclench several times before I bend to retrieve my things.

"She's a bitch, isn't she?" I looked up to see a pretty girl with blondish hair. "I'm Rima." She stacks my papers neatly for me. "What's your name?"

"Amu. This is my first week here." I replied, stacking my textbooks.

"What did you do already to make her hate you?" She asked, kind of curious, and kind of nosy.

"Saaya has hated me since kindergarten. It's like we never left."

"Oh, she doesn't like me either." She said quietly as we stood. I didn't think about Saaya bullying other people. I thought about myself. "She's been picking on me since ninth grade."

That made too much sense. Right after I leave Saaya picks a new victim. That bitch.

"Rima, I have some advice for you. Don't pay attention to her. It's not a simple thing to do, but don't do stupid things either." I walked in the opposite direction.

"What do you mean stupid things?" I didn't reply, but I waved my hand to say goodbye.

Ikuto hasn't left me alone yet. He's stubborn, and I was ready to club him over the head. My brother laughs at my misery. He's probably already threatened him behind his girlfriend's back. He's full of questions too. He's not asking me why I moved, or how I feel and he isn't talking about the things that connect us.

"He's attempting to get to know you." Utau said, shrugging. "I told him you wanted him to leave you alone."

"He's relentless."

It's questions like my favorite color, food, song, band, and anything he can think of.

"What's your favorite animal?" I'm sitting in my first class. Rima is in this class; I just didn't notice her at first. She's snickering at me and Ikuto. She holds up a drawing of a stick figure, with my name and an arrow, and another with Ikuto's name. My stick figure is holding a bat and is rearing back to hit Ikuto.

My laugh echoed through the class. Everyone turned to me. I gulped, but couldn't contain my giggles. Rima turned red and put the paper down, snickering into her sleeve.

"What's your favorite animal?" He asked again.

"For the love of god. If I answer your damn question will you leave me alone?"

Everyone's eyes were on us. "Probably not, but it's worth a try." I narrowed my eyes. I'd kill him before the end of my first month here.

"I don't know why you'd talk to her anyways. She has those weird attacks." Saaya said loudly. The silence that came was loud in my ears. My eyes started to water. I'm not tough at all. I cry easily and can't calm down. I hyperventilate and have panic attacks.

"Shut up." If it had been Utau, or Kukai speaking, it would have made sense. Except it wasn't. It was my blue haired classmate that sat in front of me. My eyes widened. The attention was on both of us, and my stomach churned.

The exit grew more appealing. It would be embarrassing running out the door, but if I stayed here Saaya would get worse with our teacher gone. My bag was slung over my shoulder as I pushed the door open and ran out. The bathroom was the first place I saw, so I went there. With my back against the wall, my body slid to the ground.

I wiped away the lone tears that came down my face. Deep breaths, deep breaths. I don't know if deep breathing really helps, but it's something I do now. Medication could help me. My answer was no.

The door slammed open, causing my entire body to jump. My breathing came out faster. "Are you okay?" Utau dropped to crouch beside me. "Kukai is outside."

"Ikuto isn't there, is he?" She shook her head. "I can't go out there right now." Not like this. Not when I'm hyperventilating now.

"You don't have to. Just take deep breaths to calm you down." She held both of my hands. Her kindness surprised me. No one beside my mother had held my hands when this happened. "Are you going to have a panic attack?"

"I don't think so." My voice was small. "I'm sorry." I always felt stupid after freaking out so easily.

"There's nothing to apologize for. Saaya was out of line. When he left, Ikuto was giving her a piece of his mind." She brushed my long hair out of my face. "Do you want to stay in here until the next class?" I nodded. "Let me tell Kukai."

She stepped away for a moment. I was in shock over Ikuto and Utau. He defended me.

"Talk to me." She sat beside me. "Anything you want to say?"

"I feel stupid when I overreact. I let people get to me too easily." I rested my chin on my knees. "I don't like feeling trapped either."

"That's why you ran out, right? You felt trapped." I nodded. "I'm sorry." She looked right at me. "Amu, I have no idea how to help you with having panic attacks. I don't like that you're so upset and I can't do anything. I don't know anything about Panic Disorder. But if this is what happens on a larger scale, you should know that you can count on me."

"You just met me." I said. "So why do you care so much?"

"You don't trust many people, huh?" She laughed. "I'm not out to get you. Everyone needs someone. If someone's an ass to you, I'll take up for you when you can't. I don't know you too well, but Kukai's told me quite a bit."

"Of course he has," I grumbled.

* * *

"Panda." I said. Ikuto turned to face me. He was on the roof too during lunch. "My favorite animal is a panda." He smiled at me. I fought the urge to smile back. "Thanks." I looked down. "I don't really want to talk to you, Ikuto." He looked at me. The wind blew my long hair, it'd grown to the middle of my back, to the side. I tucked a strand behind my ear.

His hands were shoved in his pockets. "I don't care what you want." My eyes narrowed furiously. Just when I was starting to think he wasn't an ass. "I want to help."

"I don't want your help. I think you've done enough." My lip quivered. Crying was too easy. "So just leave me alone."

"Look, I know-"

"Shut up." There was movement from behind the door. Saaya's hair was blown into the open before she could pull her head back. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know your favorite animal is a panda. Your favorite color is red. You love pasta. You love rock music. I know you can sing."

"You only know those things because you harassed me. I didn't tell you I could sing either." My glare made him step back.

"Kukai did. So I do know some about you. Do they not count?" I nodded. "You're not going to have fun in life if you're afraid of everything."

"Well, who the hell do I have to blame for that?" I said loudly, my blood boiling. I walked to the door, ignoring Saaya who was sitting on the ground. My body turned back slightly. "Stay the hell away from me, Ikuto."

* * *

The weekend is my favorite time of the week. Saaya and her hound of dogs weren't around. I've only seen Tadase a few times. He tried talking to me, but I walked away.

Ami and I were the only ones home. It's not a surprise. We've spent the days alone since six months ago. Our dad works himself to death so he doesn't have time to remember Mom. She died in a car wreck, but our family prefers to not talk about the rest.

I stare at my open notebook. Homework is never fun, especially math.

"Good morning!" Ami sang loudly behind me. I jumped and crashed into the floor. Her giggles echoed through the house. "Are you okay?" She was still laughing while I rubbed my head.

"Die in hellfire." I mumbled, climbing back onto the stool. My sister laughed more at my words.

"Have you eaten yet?" I shook my head, picking up my pencil. "How do eggs sound?" I gave her thumbs up. "Here," Ami said after rummaging through her bag. A box of Pocky slid across the table. Strawberry.

"Thanks."

"Have you heard from Dad?" She was biting her lip, something the both of us do when we're worried. We're just alike really; she just doesn't have panic attacks. "The last time he called was last Friday."

So it's been a week and a day then. "Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine." I'm sure he's attempting to drink or work himself to death.

"Could you call him?" I looked off to the side. I didn't say more than a few words to my Dad each time he came home. She looked like she would be sick if she didn't know he's at least alive. Worrywart.

'"Yeah. Just focus on breakfast. I'll be right outside." She nodded. Dad is usually drunk and she hates hearing his drunken voice. I can't blame her. She's always protecting me, so this is what I do for her. If I can help it, Ami isn't the one to call him.

The dial tone dragged on as my body slumped against our front door. "Hello." My fist tightened when my drunk father answered.

"Are you okay?" Ami is probably staring at me from inside the house, waiting. I held up my hand.

"Yeah." He slurred. "I'm just a little drunk."

"Well, when you sober up, why don't you call your youngest daughter? She's worried sick over you." I wanted to be mad at him, but it's my fault he's like this now. I snapped my phone shut. "He's fine." I told her, sitting at the counter again.

"He's drunk, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"When do you think he'll be home?" Her eyes were watery.

"I have no idea."

When she finished making breakfast, she gave me my plate and all but sprinted to her bedroom. And slowly, I put my head in my hands and cried.

* * *

The following Monday was a day I should have stayed home. Ikuto didn't talk to me during the first class. I shut my locker, and grasped my messenger bag's strap as I made my way down the hallway. Tadase stared at me as I passed. My stomach told me he still stared after me.

The air conditioning was broken, so large fans were placed around the school. One of them blew my long pink hair back. "Hey," Rima had made her way to my side without me noticing. "Mind if I sit with you today?"

"Go ahead."

It's weird, but it a good way. I had a few friends. It's nice to have Utau around too. Smiles aren't so rare with them. I've only been here for two weeks, so it could change. It's expected, really. Saaya is itching for the chance.

I picked up my tray and picked my lunch. "How's your day going?" Utau asked. I shrugged. "I don't like that answer." She shook a metal fork at me. A smirk formed on my face.

"Amu!" My head whipped around, hair falling to my shoulders, to see Ikuto racing towards me. Confusion covered my face.

I turned back just in time to see Saaya standing in front of me with two girls at her sides. My body froze as she moved towards me. Just as she flipped my tray towards me, arms wrapped around my waist and yanked me back.

My back fell into someone's chest. Her eyes grew wide with anger. Utau, my brother, and Rima stared above my head. Oh, no. My head slowly turned to see Ikuto glaring at the girls in front of me. My jaw had dropped. The cafeteria went silent to see what was happening.

"You bitch!" She hissed at me. I tried to pull Ikuto's arms away from me. They tightened. Then I realized the look in her eyes. She was jealous, really jealous. "Ikuto is my boyfriend. Who the hell do you think you are?"

I shook my head nervously, looking to Utau. She was taking her earrings out. That wasn't what I was going for. "I've been trying to get him to leave me alone for two weeks! It's not like that!"

She started to laugh in my face loudly. "Do you really think I'd believe he'd go for someone like you?" Her words slammed into me. "You're some little freak who shouldn't have come back."

The first emotion to spread through me is anger. "Shut up." He still hadn't let go.

"Do you remember what Tadase did in eight grade?" He pretended to like me. "What do you think Ikuto is doing?" Stray tears slipped down my face. "Aw, what are you going to do? Go cry to your mommy like you did then?"

My response snapped through the room loudly. Everyone heard me. "My mother is dead." His arms stiffened around me. If Saaya hadn't told me what he was really doing, I'd have believed he cared.

"She probably killed herself so she didn't have to deal with you." It's like my heart stopped beating. I looked down with guilt. "Is that what actually happened." Tears were streaming down like a waterfall. Guilt surrounded me, even though that's not what happened. I still feel like it's my fault.

A crack reached my ears. My eyes met Utau's while she went to hit Saaya again. My mouth is wide open in shock to see her defending me.

Then pictures go through my head. Blood, twisted metal. Ikuto must have heard me hyperventilating because he turned me around.

"Amu, are you okay?"

"Like you care!" I shoved him as hard as I could, racing out of there as fast as possible.

My legs felt like they would give out. They're like jello. "Ms. Hinamori!" The principal called out. I kept running towards the entrance of the school. I'm still hyperventilating, still feeling too much anguish.

My legs finally gave out at the cemetery. It wasn't that far from the school. My mom's grave stared back. She's buried here in Tokyo. It's her home. She loved it here so much.

My arms wrapped around my legs and I let myself cry till there were no tears left. Crying made me feel exhausted, and half dead. The grass wasn't comfortable, but I lay by the grave, and let myself sleep.

It felt like there was nothing left.

* * *

"You're telling me she ran all the way to the cemetery." Ami said angrily, shooting a glare towards Ikuto. "You," She addressed him for the first time. "Were you pretending to like my sister? Because if you were, I'll put your head through the blender."

"No! I saw Saaya going for her. I was trying to help!" It hadn't gone to his plan and guilt knotted in his stomach. "Is she okay?"

"She's just asleep. Calm down." Kukai said, but tension and worry laced his voice. "She had a panic attack and passed out after. It's normal." Kukai exited the room and made his way up the stairs.

"That's normal?" He asked loudly.

"Keep your voice down." His sister scolded him. "If she wakes up to see you, she's going to be pissed."

"Amu is actually quite violent. She's too scared to defend herself. She probably wishes that you hadn't helped her."

Kukai slammed a completely full pill bottle onto the kitchen aisle. "She hasn't been taking her pills." He seethed.

"I'm not that surprised." Ami said sadly.

"Why?" Ikuto asked.

"You're just full of questions, aren't you? If you tell anyone anything you hear here, we'll upgrade to a wood chipper." He nodded. "Face it, Kukai. Our dad is off somewhere working, drinking and taking pills to forget his problems. Amu refuses to take pills because of him. That's how it works in her brain."

"He has no right to abandon you two." He said angrily.

"Neither did you." She shot back. Kukai backed down. Though she loved her siblings, she'd call them out. "Don't be a hypocrite." Tension grew heavy in the room. "Our mom died six months ago. After that, Dad was always on a business trip. We came back to bury here, but stayed in Osaka for a while longer. Working turned to drinking and pills. Just to forget." She shook her head and clutched the counter.

This family didn't speak about the things that bothered them, and one of these days, it would blow up.

"Ikuto, don't ask me how she died. It's Amu's place to tell you and she doesn't like you very much right now. Saaya said you were pretending, and she took the bait."

"Are you okay?" Utau asked. Ami shook her head. "You two could stay with us. My parents would love to have you."

"It's fine. We don't want pity. We know how this looks and we hate it. We're fine on our own." Guilt ate away at Kukai. "I'll call her doctor in the morning."

"How old are you?" Ikuto asked.

"I'm thirteen." She said.

"You seem a lot older."

"I get that a lot. I People tend to grow up when their families fall apart." Hostility was in her tone. "Look, I'm glad you came here to see if she was okay." Utau and Ikuto nodded. "But it's almost eleven and I'm tired. You should go home. We'll talk more later. Ikuto, you should avoid Amu for a while. You want to help, but she doesn't trust you now."

"Will she come to school tomorrow?" Ikuto asked. He cared about her wellbeing. They didn't have to be friends, but he wanted to help fix what he helped cause.

"I doubt it. Before you ask why, it's because the panic attack she had today was the worst one since she had since Mom died. She's going to stay in her room for a few days."

Ami saw them to the door. "Goodnight. Be careful on your way home." She shut the door when Kukai tried to start an apology. Apologies just didn't fix his absence in the majority of their lives.

* * *

**More is revealed, but there's quite a bit more. I hope it raised questions like I wanted. Review if you liked it, or have any ideas. They are appreciated. **

**-Kelsey. **


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